The Poodle Lecture chords and lyrics - FRANK ZAPPA, FRANK ZAPPA

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[Verse 1]
[A]FZ:
In the begin[G]ning [A]God [G]made 'th[A]e lig[G]ht.[A]' Shortly
[G]the[A]reafter God[G] made t[A]hree [G]big
Mistakes. [A]The first mistake was called MAN,
the second [G]mistake was called
WO- MAN, and the third mistake was [A]the invention of
THE POODLE. [G]Now [A]the[Em] reas[A]on
[G]The poodle was such a big mistake [A]is because [G]God
[A]originally wanted to build a
[G]Schnauzer, but he fucked up. [C]Now a long [A]time ago,
the poodle used [G]to be a [A]very
Attractive dog. The [G]poodle had hair
evenly dis[A]tributed all over its small
Pi[G]quant [A]canine type BODY. [G]That's [A]the way
it used to be, the poodle [G]used to be a
[A]Regular [G]looking dog. You know it's true, I guess
you do too. (Oh, I have to
Kiss you? Oh [A]okay.)
Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle [G]used

[Verse 2]
to look good,
you [A]know the
Regular [G]dogs that used to [A]hang out in
the neighbourhood looked at the poodle,
[G]Didn't think anything [A]of it. You know,
[G]they didn't use to make fun of it [A]in the
Olden days. But [G]the WO- MAN, as you
know, has always been much smarter than the
[A]MAN.
[Em]Guy In The [A]Audience:
[G]You're

[Verse 3]
the best!
FZ:

[Verse 4]
That stuff is very [A]bad for you, throw it away,
okay. [G]Now you're interrupting my
[A]Story, now listen . . . What is that? [G]Is that
[A]the[G] Tower of Power or wha[A]t? Oh no
No, it's one of those dope fiend
[G]devices, take it away. Now listen:
The WO- MAN has al[Em]ways

[Verse 5]
[A]been much smarter than the MAN,
[G]you know this is true.
And so it was since the [A]beginning of time.
The MAN [G]would do anything to get
Some pussy. And [A]that's why the WO-
MAN always [G]had control over him.

[Verse 6]
In the beginning the [A]WO- MAN looked
the MAN directly into [G]the eye and [A]said: "I
Tell you [G]what, why don't you go get [A]a job because
I [G]could use a few nice things
Around the house. Mainly [A]what I need is a clipper,
a scissors, and a pair of
Zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you
[G]very much.)
[A]An d of course

[Verse 7]
the MAN did his duty as
they say in the trade. He [G]went out and he
Got a goddamn job. [A]Went out and pushed
that broom around [G]for about a
Dollar- 2.98 an [A]hour, brought his money back
to the garden of Eden and gave that
[G]Money to the [Em]WO- MAN.

[Verse 8]
The [A]WO- MAN ran out the [G]back door of the garden
of Eden, went dir[A]ectly [G]to [A]the
Hardware store, [G]got the clip[A]pers,
the scissors [G]and the zircon encrusted
[A]Tweezers and [G]came back and, while the
[A]MAN [G]was very tired from having his [A]job,
While he was sleeping, [G]the [A]WO-[G] MA[A]N got a hold[G][A]
[G]of the POODLE. Bec[A]ause the[G] WO- MA[A]N[G]
Had noticed [Em]earlier [A]that the
length and proportion of the poodle oral
Ap[G]pendage, the tongue of the dog in [A]other words,
ladies and gentlemen, was very
Much to her liking, except [G]that [A]thi[G]s dog
had [A]too goddamn much hair on it. It
Didn't have [G]the disco look [A]that's
so pop[G]ular nowadays.

[Verse 9]
And so the WO- MAN [A]sat out to modify
[G]the aforementioned dog. Let [A]me get a little
Uh, [G]visual aid . . .

[Verse 10]
Now she took [A]the dog [G]and she cleaned
[A]it up a [G]little [A]bit. You see, she took a
Little [G]bit of the back- part here, around the [A]neck,
the thorax, the tootsies.
Got all [G]of the unwanted extranious material off
[A]this area [G]whi[A]ch we shall call[G]
Burbank. [A]Then she [G]set the lit[A]tle sucker up like this,
[G]really nice, got[A] his
Mouth set up [G]like [G]that. [A]And squatted right ON HIM.
Looking down in[G]to the [A]dog's[A]
[G]Eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes,
do you [A]know what [G]she said to the
Dog? She said: