your horoscope for today chords and lyrics - WEIRD AL YANKOVIC

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[Intro 1]
[C][Dm][Em]
[F][Gsus4][G]
[C][Am][G]

[Verse 1]
[G]AQUARIUS!
[C]There's travel in your fut[Bb]ure
when your [C]tongue freezes
to the [F]back of a speeding [C]bus
Fill that [Bb]void in your pathetic
[C]life by playing Whack-A-
Mole [F]17 [G]hours a [C]day

[Verse 2]
PISCES! Try to [Bb]avoid
any Virgos or [C]Leos
with [F]the [C]Ebola virus
You are the [Bb]true Lord of the [C]Dance,
no matter what
those [F]idiots at [G]work say

[Verse 3]
[G]ARIES!
[C]The look on your [Bb]face will be
priceless when you [C]find
that 40-pound [F]watermelon in your [C]colon
Trade [Bb]toothbrushes with an al[C]bino dwarf,
then give a
[F]hickey [G]to Meryl Streep

[Verse 4]
[C]TAURUS!
You will never [Bb]find true happiness
[C]- what you gonna
do, [F]cry about [C]it?
The stars predict to[F]morrow you'll wake up[C],
do a bunch
of stuff and [G]then go back [C]to sleep

[Verse 5]
That's your [Dm]horoscope
[Em]for [F]today[C]
That's your [Gsus4]horo scope
[G]for [C]today[Am][G][C]
That's your [Dm]horoscope for
[Em]today[F][C][Gsus4]
That's your horoscope [G]for
today
[C]

[Verse 6]
[Am][G]
GEMINI!
[C]Your birthday par[Bb]ty will be
ruined [C]once again by your
ex[F]plosive flatulence
[C]Your love life will run[Bb] into
trouble your [C]fiance
hurls [F]a javelin through [G]your chest

[Verse 7]
[G]CANCER!
[C]The position of [Bb]Jupiter says
that you should [C]spend the
rest of the [F]week [C]face [F]down in [C]the mud
Try not [Bb]to shove a roll of [C]duct
tape up your nose while
tak[F]ing your [G]driver's test

[Verse 8]
[G]LEO!
[C]Now is not a good [Bb]time [F]to[Bb]
photocopy your but[C]t and
staple it to your boss's [F]face, [C]oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-[Bb]flavored pudding,
pudding, then [C]wash it
down with a gal[F]lon of
[G]strawberry [C]Quik

[Verse 9]
[Bb]VIRGO!
All Virgos are extremely [C]friendly
and intel[F]ligent -
except for [C]you
Expect a [Bb]big surprise today
[C]when you wind up with
your head [G]impaled upon [C]a stick

[Verse 10]
That's your [Dm]horoscope for
[Em]today[F][C][Gsus4]
That's your horoscope [G]for
[C]today[Am][G][C]
That's your [Dm]horoscope for
[Em]today[F][C][Gsus4]
That's your horoscope
[G]for today
[C][Am][G]

[Verse 11]
[F]Now you may find it incon
[G]ceivable or at the very [Em]least
a bit unlikely that the re[F]lative
position of the planets
and the stars could have a spe
[G]cial deep significance or
[C]meaning that exclusively ap
[Am]plies to only [G]you, but let
me [F]give you my assurance that
[G]these forecasts and
predictions are all [Em]based on solid,
scientific, [F]documented
evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of
[G]moron not to realize that [C]every
single one of them is
[Am]absolutely true.
[G]Where was I?

[Verse 12]
[C]LIBRA!
A big pro[Bb]motion is just around
[C]the corner for someone
much more [F]talented than [C]you
Laughter is the [Bb]very best medicine,
re[C]member that
when your ap[F]pendix burst
[G]s next week

[Verse 13]
[C]SCORPIO!
Get ready for an [Bb]unexpected
[C]trip when you fall
screaming from an [F]open [C]window
Work a little bit [Bb]harder on improving your
[C]low self [F]esteem, you stu[G]pid freak

[Verse 14]
[G]SAGIT[C]TARIUS!
All your [Bb]friends are laughing
[C]behind your [F]back...
[C]kill them
Take down all those na[Bb]ked
pictures of [C]Ernest Borgnine
you've got [F]hanging [G]in

[Verse 15]
your den
[C]CAPRICORN!
The [Bb]stars say that you're an
[C]exciting and wonderful
per[F]son... but you know they're [C]lying
If I were you, I'd [Bb]lock my doors
and windows and nev[C]er
never never never never leave
my house again

[Verse 16]
[Dm]That's [Em]your[F][Gsus4]
horoscope [G]for [C]today[Am][G]
[C]
That's your [Dm]horoscope
for [Em]today[F][C]
[Gsus4]That's yo[C]ur[Gsus4][G][C][Am][G][C]
[Dm]horoscope
for [Em]today[F][Gsus4]
[G][C][Am][G][C]
That's your [Dm]horoscope for

[Outro 1]
today
[Em][F][Gsus4][G]
[C]