A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying chords and lyrics - BLOODHOUND GANG

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[Intro 1]
[D]

[Verse 1]
I was lonelier [A]than Kunta Kinte at a
Merle Haggard concert
That night [D]I strolled on into Uncle
Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love
[G]It had been a while
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five
had had [D]come and went
Since that midnight run haulin'
hog to Shakey Town on I-10
[G]I had picked up this hitchhiker that
was sweatin' gallons
Through a pair of Daisy Duke [D]cut-offs and and
one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops
Well, Well, that night [A]I lost
myself to ruby red lips
Milky white skin and [D]baby blue eyes
Name was Russell

[Verse 2]
Yes, [D]a lap dance is so much bet[A]ter
when the stripper is cry[D]in'
Yes, a [G]lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cry[D]in'
Well I [G]find it's quite a thrill
When she [D]grinds me against her will
Yes [A]a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cry[D]in'

[Verse 3]
[D]
[A]Well, faster [D]than you can [A]say,
"shallow grave"
This pretty little [D]thing come up to me and starts
kneadin' my balls
Like hard-boiled eggs eggs
in a tube [G]sock
Said her name was Bambi and I said,
"Well that's a coincidence [D]darlin'
'Cause I was just thinkin' about
skinnin' you like a deer"
Well she [G]smiled, had about as much
teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern
And And And I went on to tell her how I
[D]would wear her face like a mask
As I do my little [A]kooky dance
[D]And the[A]n she told me to shush
I guess she could sense my desperation
[D]'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on
when when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl

[Verse 4]
Yes, [D]a lap dance is so much bet[A]ter
when the stripper is cry[D]in'
Yes, a [G]lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cry[D]in'
Well I [G]find it's quite a thrill
When she [D]grinds me against her will
Yes, [A]a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cry[D]in'

[Verse 5]
[D]
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can
[A]make all my fantasies come [D]true
So I says, "Even this one
I have where Jesus Christ
[G]Is jackhammering Mickey
Mouse in the doo-doo hole
hole
With a lawn dart as Garth Brooks
gives birth to something
Resembling [D]a cheddar cheese log with almonds
on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
[A]Well, [D]Well, [G]ten beers,
twenty minutes and thirty [Gm]dollars [G]later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna
town [D]if you know what I mean
Got to nail her back at [A]her trailer
[D]Heh, [A]that rhymes
I have to admit it was even
more of a [D]turn-on
When When I found out she was doin'
me to buy baby formula

[Verse 6]
Yes, [D]a lap dance is so much bet[A]ter
when the stripper is cry[D]in'
Yes, a [G]lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cry[D]in'
Well I [G]find it's quite a thrill
When she [D]grinds me against her will
Yes, [A]a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cry[D]in'

[Verse 7]
[D]
Day or so had passed when
I [A]popped the clutch
Gave the tranny a spin
and slid on [D]into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle
Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop
There There [G]There I was browsin' through
the latest issue of "Throb"
When I saw Bambi starin' at me from
the [D]back of a milk carton
Well, my heart just dropped
[G]So, I decided to do what
any good Christian would
You can [D]not imagine how difficult it is to
hold a half gallon of moo juice
And polish the one-eyed [A]gopher gopher
when your doin' seventy-five
In In an eighteen-wheeler
I I never thought missing chil
[D]dren could be so sexy
Did I say that out loud?

[Verse 8]
Yes, [D]a lap dance is so much bet[A]ter
when the stripper is cry[D]in'
Yes, a [G]lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cry[D]in'
Well I [G]find it's quite a thrill
When she [D]grinds me against her will
Yes, [A]a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cry[D]in'

[Outro 1]
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