Can't Con An Honest John Chords

Lyrics & chords

[Verse 1]
Us[Am]ing the following,
I'm going to show you:
A) How to con someone using
their own greed,
B) That you won't feel bad 'cos they're trying to con you anyway,
and

[Verse 2]
C) TAKING THEIR MONEY!
[Am]As I have come to realise,
running the beats is just get[F]ting [Am]people's confidence.
This scam only works 'cos that man
thinks he's working this scam
And that you man off his mark
Get your [Em]mate,
let's call your mate Pier[Am]s
No, not Piers, let's call him Farquhar

[Verse 3]
Anyway get [Am]Farquhar [E]to crawl
[Em]in to a bar with his d[Am]og
Like I said, the [C]barman will try
[Am]an d con you later
But you're gonna take all his money.
Any[E]way, get Farquhar to pass
[Am]into a local bar
And call to the bar to look
after a dog for a dart
Just [E]for 20 quid for a while,
claiming [Am]that he hated it
[C]But it was worth more [Am]than his car

[Verse 4]
[Am]This, by the [Em]way,
requires that you [Am]find and supply Farquhar
With an animal, and a life,
from your local park.
Get a nice [E]dog that doesn't [Em]bark
[Am]But not so nice that someo[C]ne might
miss this [Am]mutt from the park
Anyway, using [Em]this technique you're [E]gon
na take all [Am]this man's money
But you're not gonna care,
cos he's gonna fucking deserve it

[Verse 5]
You'll [Am]never con an Honest John
An Honest John you can't
drag down (Exactly!)
Con- do- lee get conned
When [F]they [Am]think [G]they're the cunning
one [Am](It's all one big con)

[Verse 6]
Neighbour [Am]you [G]won't con
An [Am]Honest John
Now listen, get Farquhar
[Em]to dart ou[E]t the bar
And just [Am]shop for [C]some garm's, maybe
Just to [Am]pass an hour or so
I would go [E]shop[Em]ping cos'
I [Am]gave up drinking
But whatever,

[Verse 7]
just have Farquhar down the road
[Am]Now you walk in the [E]bar,
walk up to the bar[Am]man
Order a [C]jar, when you've caught
[Am]him slouched on his own
Start eyeing the [E]dog that he's
minding by [Am]his side
Currently vibe him and start on

[Verse 8]
about the dog you own.
[Am]Start asking the [E]barman,
if it's his fine speci[Am]men of a dog
[C]Nod, smile, agree,
[Am]look interested and cool
When he tells you it's [E]someone
else's you've just left pre[Am]vious
Tell him, 'This is a very
rare breed of animal.'
Last time [E]I lied my manager [Am]swiped me
But lie, and [C]tell him it's like a fucking
[Am]Red- Eared Hunting Spaniel.
Tell him it's [E]worth 600 quid [Am]an d you would pay
handsomely if you were to accept finance
At all

[Verse 9]
You'll [Am]never con an Honest John
(Sometimes...)
An Honest John you can't drag down (...Sometimes I think
I should just go completely...)
Condolee get conned
When [F]they think [G]they're
the cunning [Am]one
Neighbour you [G]won't con an Honest John [Am](Keep listen[G]ing [Am]though,
it's important that

[Verse 10]
You keep listening...)
[Am]Now take all his [E]shopping off him
Get your mate [Am]Farquhar to pop in
Looking straight gutted a bit later on
He should order a jar, talk [E]at the [Am]bar
Ensure he looks calm,
warm with the barman
And generally start conversating on.
Far[E]quhar should start

[Verse 11]
falling apart
[Am]About how he's arsed[C] up some chance
[Am]And how arsed up his day was.
Or in the [E]event, the spread betting he's
getting ready to [Am]ac cept
That his rent's not getting payed up.
The [E]barmans mind will chime

[Verse 12]
[E]
slowly [Am]for a while
[C]He might wipe the bar,
as his [Am]mind is making sums.
[E]Farquhar should continue
to moan [Am]about money
And that this mutt is not
the greatest of his worries.

[Verse 13]
[Am]And like 'ching!', the [E]barman
will five out of six [Am]times
Kindly offer [C]his greed to buy the
dog [Am]for a price of 300 quid
And [E]af ter some bartering,
your bar[Am]man will haggle and charge harder
In greed of the scent of the scheme in his head. (That's right,
neighbour!)

[Verse 14]
You'll never con an [Am]Honest John
An Honest John you can't
drag down
Condolee get conned
When they think they're the
cunning [G]one
(The barman, is gonna [Am]see how much
he can stitch you up for.)
Neighbour you won't con
[G]an Honest John
(How does that [Am]work? [G]Cos[Am]' everytime
it's based around someone who thinks they're
Conning you.)

[Verse 15]
They'll nev[E]er ima[Am]gine the whole
scenario is pre[C]pared solely [Am]for him
Why should he?
That sort of paranoia can get
you in [E]the loony [Am]bin!
As I have come to realise,
running the [E]beats is just getting [F]people's [Am]confide[C]nce.
AN[Am]D THAN TAKING THEIR MONEY!
[E]It's all one big [Am]con .