The Whole "Being Dead" Thing Chords

Lyrics & chords

[Intro 1]
[D][C#]
[F#m]Hey, folks! Begging your pardon
[D]Excuse me! Sorry to barge in
[B]Now let's skip the tears
and start on the [A]whole
You know
[C#]Being dead thing
[F#m]You're doomed! Enjoy the singing
[D]The sword of Damocles is swinging
[B]And if I hear your cell-phone ringing
I'll [A]kill you myself
The [C#]whole being dead thing

[Verse 1]
[Bm]Death can get a person stressed
"We [F#m]should have carpe'd way [E#]more di[F#m]ems
Now we're never gonna see [Bm]'em!"
I can show you what comes next
So don't be [C#]freaked
Stay in your [D]seats
I do this bullshit, like, eight times a [C#]week
So just relax, you'll be [D]fine
Drink your [D#]fifty-dollar [C#m]wine
And take a [E#]breath[F#][G][G#]
[C#]Welcome to a show about [F#m]death

[Verse 2]
[F#]You're
You're gonna be [E]fine
On the [B]other side
[F#]Die! You're all gonna die!
You're all gonna die
[F#]I'll
I'll be your [E]guide
To the [B]other side
[D]Oh, and full disclosure,
it's a [C#]show about [F#m]death

[Verse 3]
[Gm]Eve rybody gets on fine here
Like [Eb]Rod gers, Hart, and Hammerstein here
[C]The women's bathroom has no line here
[Bb]Just, pee where you want
The [D]whole being dead thing
[Gm]You're just gonna love the folks here
[Eb]Yeah, I know you're woke,
but you can take a joke here
And [C]every show I do, like, a ton of coke here
The [Am]whole
[D]Ah, the whole being dead thing

[Verse 4]
[Cm]Nobody is bullet-proof!
[G]"I work out", "I [F]eat [G]clean"
Jesus, pass the Dram[F]a mine
[Cm]Time to face the brutal truth
'Cause [D]we're all on a hitlist
[Eb]Might not live 'til Christmas
[E]Choke to death on [F]Triscuits
[D]Hey, that's just statistics
So [Eb]take a little break here
[E]Kinda like a wake here
The [F]scenery is [F#]fake here
But [G]there's a [G#]giant [A]snake [Bb]here

[Interlude 1]
[Gm][Gm][Gdim7][Bbdim7][C#dim7]
[D]Welcome to a show about death

[Verse 5]
[G]You're
You're gonna be fine
Thank you
On the [C]other side
How you doin'?
[G]Whoa, not good
Da-bot-ba-be-be-bap-bap
[Ab]I'll
Hey, I'll be [Ebm]your guide
To the [Db]other [C]side[Cb]
[C]Seriously, though, this is a show about

[Verse 6]
[Bbm]Death is taboo, but it's [Cm]hardly something new
There's nothing [Bbm]medical professionals
can do
'Cept maybe just [Fm]bill you
(If you die while listening to this album
It's still gonna keep playing)
There's no [Bbm]destiny or fate
Just a [Cm]terrifying wait
Filled with [Bbm]people that you hate
And on a [Eb]certain date, the universe [C]kills you
That's the thing with life
No one [D]makes it out alive

[Verse 7]
[Cm]Toss that body in the pit
[G]"Gosh, it's awful, ain't [F]it trag[G]ic?"
"Blah, blah, Bible, Je[F]sus mag[Cm]ic"
When you're dead, who gives a shit?
[G]No Pilates, no [F]more yo[G]ga
'Namaste", you freakin' posers
[Cm]From the cradle to cremation
[Bb]Death just needs a little conversation
[D]I have mast[Eb]ered t[C#]he ar[D]t (...es I rae)
Of [D]tearing conven[Eb]tion [C#]a pa[D]rt (...es I rae)
So, [D]how about we all [Eb]make [C#]a st[D]art
On the [Ab]whole [D]being [Gm]dead [Ab]thing[Gm][Ab]
[D]God, I hope you're ready
for a show about [Gm]death