My brother's magazine chords and lyrics - IVOR BIGGUN

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[Verse 1]
[F]Oh show me a home where
the [Bb]buffalo roam
And I'll [F]show you a house full of [G]dung...
[C]For god's sake Ivor,
did I spend three years at the Paris Conservetoire
to play this sort of rubbish? Don't you know anything
[G]else?
[Bb][C][Cm][G][Bb]

[Verse 2]
[C][Cm]
[G]My brother's in the mer
[Am]chant navy
[F]He brings me things from where
[C]he's been
Letters [G]from France [D]and caps
[A]from Holland
[F]And once from Denmark
a mucky [C]magazine
[G]And I remembered mother's [E]advice

[Verse 3]
[C]
If I ever looked at photographs
that weren't [D]quite nice
[G]I'd turn to stone [E]right there
[A]Part of me did [D]but I just didn't
[G]care[D]
[G]And I'll bet you a quid

[Verse 4]
that you've [D]never seen
[F]Anything like my brother's [G]magazine
I bet you a quid that you've
[D]never seen
[F]Anything like my brother
[C]'s [G]magazine[Bb]
[C]'Ere, is [Eb]this photograph the
[G]right way [Bb]up?[C][Eb]

[Verse 5]
[G]Spotty- arsed fellas [A]and great big women
[F]At it like knives [C]on battered settees
[G]And two blokes from Totten[A]ham who
can tie a knot in [F]'em
And still have [C]donglers to
their knees
And a pic[G]ture of utter deprav[E]ity
[C]A dentist filling quite the [D]wrong cavity
[G]A midget with a tattooed dong
[E]And [A]the words and ukelele chords for
an [D]Ivor [G]biggun song

[Verse 6]
A lady [A]you can see
isn't really a blonde
[F]Posing with a parsnip very [C]biologic[G]al
Another who grins [D]from where
she [Am]had twins
[F]Not pornographic,
[C]just [G]gynecological
And a lingum and a yon[E]i,
two [C]Egyptian women and a shet[G]land pony
Appliances [E]and PVC and [A]something that looks
a bit [D]like a coconut [G]to [D]me
[G]And I'll bet you a quid

[Verse 7]
that you've [D]never seen
[F]Anything like my brother's [C]magazine
[G]I bet you a quid that you've
[D]never seen
[F]Anything like my brother[C]'s
[G]magazine[Bb]
[C][Eb][G]

[Verse 8]
[Bb][C]
[Cm]If I eve[G]r grow up I'd [D]like to be[A] like
[F]A pink pony poser pay
[C]for intercourse
[G]With me rocks off knocks
[D]off without [A]taking socks [F]off
A big John Thomas
[C]like the milkman's horse
[G]Latex

[Verse 9]
[E]gen[C]italia, something filled with batteries
that's popular [D]with sailor[G]s
A picture that leaves no doubt
[E]As [A]to whether Linda Lovelace really
[D]had her ton[G]sils [D]out

[Verse 10]
[G]And I'll bet you a quid
that you've [D]never seen
[F]Anything like my brother's [C]magazine
[G]I bet you a quid that you've
[D]never seen
[F]Anything like my brother[C]'s
[G]magazine[Bb][C][Eb]

[Verse 11]
[G]'Ere there's a book in here
[Bb]advert[C]ised. It's called
"I tried to [Eb]be a homosexual [G]but I was only half
[Bb]in Ern[C]est"
There's a stripper [Eb]as well,
[G]also, [Bb]with a 73" bust.
[C]She doesn't have muc[Eb]h of an act.
She [G]just crawls onto the [Bb]stage [C]an d tries
to stand [Cm]up.
[G]Here's an advert. "They all laughed [Bb]when I sat [C]down to play then [Eb]I realised [G]I'd left the bathroom
[Bb]door open. And [C]then there's some obscene re[Eb]cords. [G]Who's this Judge Dre[Bb]ad then?[C]
"I used to kiss [Cm]you on the [G]lips
but now it's all over."
[Bb]"I will love you w[C]hen you get old.[Eb]
So please [G]get 'old of this."
[Bb]And what[C]'s this a photograph of? O[Eb]ooh[G]
It can't [Bb]be? I[C]t coul[Eb]dn't be? It [G]isn't is it?