Toolbag ted from birkenhead chords and lyrics - IVOR BIGGUN

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[Verse 1]
[G]I[D][G]
always have been handy,
I [Am]did a bit of do it myself
[G]Until[D] it knackered my eyesight and
comprom[G]ised my health
Then a geezer popped his napper,
[Am]over the garden wall
"Good [G]day", he said "My [D]name is Ted
Can I be of any [G]help at all?"

[Verse 2]
Well [Em]I should have said, "No [Bm]ta,
no thanks, [Em]no probs"
But instead I told 'im all
[A]my little [D]jobs
[C]An' now he's round [Bm]my house
as [D]soon [A]as I walk [D]out my door
Rip[G]pin' my missuses drawer's out
and banging on the bedroom floor

[Verse 3]
[G]He's [Am]Toolbag Ted from [Bm]Birkenhead,
[G]the randy han[Bm]dy man[C]
He [D]walks in when I walk out
And does a [G]bloody sight better
than ever [D]I can
When a [G]lady says "I'm desperate
An' only [Am]your spanner will [D]do"
Old [G]Ted he seems to [Bm]understand
[C]He [G]bolts 'round at [Bm]their command
[G]With his nuts held tig[Am]htly in [G]his hand
[C]Rub rub[D], hammer hammer,
[G]bang, screw

[Interlude 1]
[G]

[Verse 4]
[G]Where does he get the energy?
[Am]How can he manage it all?
[D]He flashes all around the chimney
[Bm]He hammers up and down the h[G]all
If a lady's got a problem
That's [Am]been troubling her all day
[A]An exper[D]t prod with his
[G]dyno- rod
And the problem [D]goes [G]away
[Em]Mi- ssis Brown she c[Bm]alled him
on the phone
[Em]"Oh please come round my
[A]husbands not [D]at home..."
He re- arranged her [Am]portico
[D]And [Am]banged her [Bm]beam all [G]day
Stripping her chimney breast out
And sticking in his R.S.J.

[Verse 5]
[G]He's Tool[Am]bag Ted from [Bm]Birkenhead,
[C]the ran[Bm]dy handy- man
[C]No [D]job too big, no job too small
He'll [G]be there whenever he can
And if a damsel [Am]in distress
[G]says "What am I to [D]do?"
He ser[G]vices [Am]her ever[Bm]y need
[C]With cha[G]rm, discretio[Am]n, tac[Bm]t and speed
[G]And satisfactio[Am]n gua[Bm]ranteed
[C]Rub rub[D], hammer hammer, ban[G]g, screw

[Verse 6]
[Em]Look at that easy action!
Look at that grace and style!
As a general rule his expert tool
Makes all the ladies smile
He's pulling out his plunger
And pumping fit to burst
In the capable hands of
Toolbag Ted
The customer comes [G]first
[D][Am][Bm][D]

[Verse 7]
[C][D]
This [G]merry Merseysider is al[A]ways
[Am]making housecalls
[D]The ladies ring his number and this
randy handy [G]scouse calls
Some husbands do not like it when he
[Am]does what he does best
[D]But most let him get on with [Bm]it,
[D]they're grateful for [G]the rest
And [Em]aren't you glad,
when an [Bm]ex pert comes to call
[Em]And sorts out your old boiler and
[Am]doesn't [A]charge [D]at all?
And [C]in her [D]darkest [Am]corners [G]he
[Am]will make a fi[D]nal [G]stand
Halfway up her skirting with his
stopcock in his hand
[Am]Toolbag Ted from B[G]irkenhead, t[D]he

[Verse 8]
[Am]
randy [Bm]handy- [C]man
[D]A knight in shining overalls
He'll [G]be there whenever he can
He never [Bm]leaves [Em]a job half [G]done
and [Am]always sees it [G]through
A set of drawers might [Bm]need a knob
[C]A w[G]hat[Am]sit need a thi[Bm]ngummy bob
In [G]fact he's [Am]always [Bm]on the job
[C]Rub rub[D], hammer ham[G]mer, bang,

[Outro 1]
screw
[G][Am][D][Bm][G][C][D]
[G][Am][Bm][C][D]
[G][Am][Bm][G][C][D]
[G][Am][Bm]